Please bear with me with my writing skill, i am not good in writing and i am sure i have made some grammer mistakes.. if you have question please feel free to leave a comment.
How i climbed back from hopelessness to life that full of hopes and future
The story started way back in 2003 when i decided to free myself from the employment regime after under employment for donkey years.
What encouraged me to make a change?
1. I had been wanting to get out of my homeland - Malaysia , i felt sick and tired of the way i lived, the political nonsense and family problems back then.
2. My ego told me i have the capability to excel on my own and many friends have faith in me that i can do well.
After all the serious considerations... off i went to pursue... the roller coaster of my life journey....
I was in sales and marketing field for more than 10 years, was briefly in accounting field for about 1 year and later found out that accounting isn't really something that suitable for me so i switched to sales and marketing which i received a lot of supports from my friends they all agreed that sales and marketing field is more suitable for me as i can really talk a lot and also to them for me being in the accounting field is a waste of my time and talent.
I was brought up in a financially not not sound family,being the only child in the family i have been trained to be very independent since my teenage, i started to work part-time at a local newspaper recycle factory after school and weekend to earn some tiny income to help out when i was around 13 years old back then. My dad had been heavily hit by the 80s recession, he was out of job for many years,the only income that we had was from mum's tiny income working as nanny. I worked at KFC after school on Friday and also Saturday and Sunday for my tuition fees as my parents couldn't afford to pay for me when i was 17 and 18. Unlike others their tuition fees had been taken care of by their parents.
I still remember having to envy my friends and cousins when they have their new clothes for Chinese New Year and also new school uniform. How i wish i could have a least a piece of new school uniform as i can only get those unwanted old clothes and old yellowish school uniforms that passed down from my cousins.
I felt very inferior because i was almost the only one who wore the 'yellowish' supposedly to be white school uniform and others were wearing sparking white uniform.
During that period of time i have experienced dad's creditors' harassment..the creditors shouting and knocking on our door in the middle of the night to ask for money, it was really embarrassing as the whole neighbourhood knows what's happening.And i also the tasted what HUNGER is as there was no food left or money in the house, we were at the dire straits. thanks to the kind provisions from my aunt and grandma, she lent some money to mum to help us to at least have some food to eat.I really very thankful for the kindness of them.
I felt very inferior during my childhood because my family was basically discriminated by the relatives of my mum side simply because we were not well to do.The favouritism from the adults were so obvious that those good food and toys are only for their children, they can go to the shopping mall and i was not allowed to follow.
Due to those bad experiences that i had during my childhood i had developed a very strong character and I told myself i have to do well in life so that me and my family will not be discriminated by others anymore.
Finally, i have finished my study and got my first job as accounts clerk in a property development company, i was consider very lucky to get a considerably good pay first job but after working for about 6 months i felt bored because there were not much to do in that job so started to consider a career switch, choosing between giving it a go to try out sales and marketing job or go back to accounting line.. I went back to accounting line to give it another go. I was lucky again to get another job offer which offered me a even better salary package, i worked hard and my work was appreciated by my superiors and i got my early confirmation and increment in a month time which the probation period suppose to be 3 months. After working there for about a year i realized that i wasn't doing a real accounting job i was just doing a general clerk's job doing general stuff like issue cheques and i learn nothing there. I decided to give sales line a go, but the set back was i have no previous sales and marketing experience nor academic qualification related to sales and marketing, but i kept trying and finally i got a good pay sales job in an IT firm. I felt very proud because my pay was better than those overseas graduates.
That's how my sales career started. I received a lot of praises and recognitions from my previous employers but i think i deserved it because i worked really really hard, i worked during public holidays and weekend. i had the momentum of climbing higher and higher at the corporate ladder.
I was lucky enough to join a cosmetic company that offers incentive tour, incentive as in if you achieved the given target set by the company you will be entitled a free trip together with the customers that achieve their target.That year the incentive tour to Europe! and i made it! it was so surreal! i couldn't believe it until i really set my foot on the Rome Airport.We went to Rome, Venice, Florence, Milan, Lucern, Zurich and Paris.I felt in love with Europe deeply and after came back from the trip i have been dreaming about living in Europe and i don't know when i can go again.
In 2003 i have made a very drastic decision by quitting my job and go to the UK to see if i will have any chance settling there,i went there for one month but didn't manage to get something happen there,with disappointment i went back to KL and started a new job which promised me that i can have full control of the brand that i manage. At the same time my ex-employer was trying very hard to ask me to rejoin them and offered me a promotion and increment but i declined the offer because i don't want to be a puppet of the management, i want to do a brand that fully under my control. Unfortunately after joining the new company when i turned up for work only i was told that there were some changes in the management and asked me to be patient they will slowly reward me with what they have promised me previously. After 3 months there i knew the management is in a mess and i don't want to waste further of my time there,i told myself 'enough is enough' i don't want to be trapped in the rat race for the rest of my life, i want to do something on my own. I was very determined to give it a go,even if i fail at least i have tried and what came into my mind was "I Rather Die Trying Than Die Standing".With the full enthusiasm and immaturity.. i really came out without any proper plan like 'chicken without head'.
Since then i have been trying out so called different 'opportunities' and was struggled to meet my ends meet... Well.. that's how we learn to be wiser through our immaturity.
The 'mishap' didn't stop there.In 2004 Christmas Eve, this is the day where everything started to change for worse.....
My dad who was a chain smoker had severe pain near his chest area, it was so painful till he couldn't even move and sat there for few hours, the pain only starting to ease after 3 jabs of pain killers and he was then hospitalized for 2 weeks due to pneumonia. During his admission i had to go to the hospital few times a day as me and mum have to bring food to dad,dad was on oxygen and this is his first ever hospitalisation in his life. And when we thought that was the worst that can happened the ward that dad stayed felt the building was shaking... everyone needs to be evacuated..and dad was forced to run without oxygen tank or wheelchair as they were running out of 'stock'. Without the oxygen assist dad was nearly out of breath, i was so worried, thank God we managed to get to the assembly area and dad got the oxygen mask back on again. After the drama only we found out the quake was caused by the 2004 Tsutnami that claimed thousands of lives.
After 2 weeks of monitoring and tests, there were no trace of TB or lung cancer which was a big relief to us and he was discharged finally.He didn't really feel well after he discharged from the hospital, he kept complaining that he felt some kind of irritation near his lung area to the extend that he wept, my heart sank when i saw dad shed his tear,this is the first time in my life i saw him cry...dad is a very tough guy, he had been a builder for 40 over years, he could stand the nail pierced into his toe and bleed,i couldn't imagine the torture that brought him to his tears.He was home for about 1 month while waiting for the inefficient government hospital's CT Scan report, finally the report arrived, guess what? it shows 3/4 of my dad's lung was filled with fluid!
We admitted him immediately to another government pulmonary specialist and he was there for 1 month for treatment, the fluid that drained out from his lung was those stinking pus and it was 6L altogether!
During my dad's stay in hospital that's how my life fell apart, i had no income at all and had been survived on credit card advance, until no more credit left in my credit card, my phone line, pay tv and mobile phone was cut off. It was a total distraught!
At that moment i felt physically and mentally very tired even had a thought of ending my life. While i was in the despair suddenly God sent me angels! one day a good friend of mine came to my house and handed me an envelop and it was the thing that i need to most - CASH! i couldn't hold my tears any longer.
And another angel that God sent me was another friend who i just got to know him for few months, we got to know each other when we were so called colleague when i was doing freelance for an ISO company, he gave me the deal that he secured and asked me to go to the client's place to get the agreement signed and let me claim the commission that worth RM5000, at first i was reluctant to take the offer because i was those kind of person who doesn't like to count on others, but he told me he already discussed with his wife and i am in need more than them, he insisted and i accepted the offer eventually.
I was also invited by him to his church for Easter Celebration,i felt my burden was lifted of my shoulder as the wept like a broken levy and immediately i accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. I felt the peace and comfort that i have never had before, the feeling was undescribable. Thank God dad was recovering quite well.
My financial situation got worse, i sold my car and i went into depression, i distant myself from friends until one day a friend from my then church offered me her help, she drove me to the church for counseling, drove me around to where ever i needed to go. her unconditional love opens up my heart. I was a person with strong character back then who doesn't like to accept help from others. Having said that my husband (my boyfriend back then) had sacrificed a lot for me too, he was always there by my side but there were certain things that he wasn't able to help out due to his situation then.
When you are at the lowest point of your life usually you will come across a lot of jokers who likes to tell you what you should do and blah..blah..blah.. instead of trying to understand how you feel inside, i know what they said are with good intention but they just don't understand people in that situation doesn't like to be judged, luckily i have a group of church friends that never judge me and tell me what i should do , instead they keep praying for me and comforting me. Sometimes in life the one who loves us the most or we love the most can be those who hurts us the most. (they don't do that intentionally, they do so because they care).
A couple of friends saw me and they couldn't believe what they saw, they have never seen that down before, i have lost almost all my self esteem, and a friend kept encouraging me and reminding me "You can lose everything in life but not your self esteem, once you lost it you will be like a dead soul". What he said was very true i was like a zombie .Life is like a race, it bounds to be injuries, when we are injured it doesn't mean you can't run anymore in the future!we just have to slow down and walk slowly or just pause for awhile and wait till we are fully recovered we can continue to keep going and we might be able to go even faster than ever.
All we need to do is to keep the faith and stay positive.
For the past few years many miracles happened in my life..which i will share the next time. I was from dead broke to last year traveled to Europe once more after 8years for my honeymoon :) and i believe there are more to come.....just have to believe...
For people who are having depression 'Staying Positive' is a big word. but trust me, when you start to have the negative thoughts come up immediately switch your mind and tell yourself to stay positive and find a positive thing that you can think of. It will definitely helps slowly but surely. (this won't happen over night, you need to keep doing it to resist the negative thoughts).
After years of depressions, i finally manage to come out of it and today i am a different person.. a better person and a happier person. My friends have seen the transformations in me. Now when i look back i feel very thankful for what had happened to me because those mishaps changed me to a better person. I am more contended with life and take things with gratitude.
* A note to whom that has friends with depression...
- please please please listen to them.. at this time they need someone to listen to them not someone to judge them and tell them to do this and this and this...
- Try to put yourself in their shoes.. if they can think like you think they wouldn't have gone into depression in the first place.
- Try sharing some positive stuff with them.. some encouraging stories.
Overall what helped me through this journey is the strength that the Lord gave me and also the love from my friends and family
If you find this helpful you are always welcome to share with your friends.
I will post more when i have time.
Cheers and God Bless all of you.